The Place of Desperation

A little while ago, I was talking to a friend of mine and recalling the two weeks of intense pain I experienced back in the fall. As I told the story, I remembered how I laid on the couch curled up in a ball with worship music right by my ear. Then the miracle happened. I have tried a few times to explain it, and keep falling short of words, so I looked at my friend and simply said, "I don't know how else to explain it, but it was like Jesus was right there with me. Ever since, He is just the most beautiful thing. Like just, SO beautiful. If I had to do those two weeks over again, just to experience that, I would." 

And I have come to see something clearly. Jesus comes to those who have reached desperation. He comes to those who have nothing left to give or to bring. That is where He wants us. In the words of Brother Yun, "It is not great men who change the world, but weak men in the hands of a great God." 

I read Luke 7 and see a mother aching with grief over her dead son. Jesus draws near, sees her desperation, and performs a miracle. In Mark 6, I see Jesus withdrawing to a desert place for a rest. But as He is leaving, people see Him and come running. I mean that's desperation. To drop everything and go chasing after a man disappearing in a ship? That means someone was determined and like I said, desperate. But then Jesus... Scripture says, "He was moved with compassion, because they were like sheep without a shepherd." (vs.34) So He begins to teach them. Not just a bit to satisfy them and get them out of His hair, but according to verse 25, many things - MANY things! He honoured their hunger for spiritual truth. He read the desperation in their souls, and He answered abundantly. 

And that is the life of the person desperate enough to run after God. The person who goes to sit at His well spring, when spiritual life seems bone dry. The person crazy enough to knock in faith on a door that appears to be bolted shut. The person who praises an unseen God, when the plan doesn't seem to be making any sense. The person who marches around the walls of his Jericho, until his God knocks them down. 

Are you desperate enough to find Him? He is ready and waiting as always, but how much do you want Him? How much do you think you need Him? He comes to the broken-hearted, the oppressed, the forgotten, the caught-deep-in-sin kinds of people. The ones who hang their head in shame at the list of deeds they have wracked up. But He never pushes His way into a life that doesn't want Him. Never once did He impose himself upon the performers, the do-it-perfecters, the I-have-it-altogether ones. Did He come for them? Oh yes He did, but He waits for them to see their true need. He waits for them to call on Him, and then He comes - comes in all His great and beautiful abundance.

In conclusion, we must see how lost we are. We must see how broken we are. We must see how impossible we are. We must see how absolutely unable we are. And then God will move. When we come with a simple word and call out to Him in childlike faith, He will answer - He will do it. ❤️

Hidden Faces - Hidden Stories

There are those of us who have smiles on our faces, but under the glitter lies a myriad of emotions and crevasses we don't know how to fill. They snake long - unattended gutters under the careful facades we have fashioned to appear glitzy and unmarred to the world. Truth be told, we hurt. We scream for help, but don't know how to ask for it. We ache but don't have words for it. We fall and blush crimson, then wipe away the tracks with a leafy twig. We hide. We try to run. We'd hate if the world saw our humanity and imperfection. Sometimes our facades crack a little and bitterness or tears leak out. We viciously swipe them away and look around furtively hoping that no one noticed.   

I have been introduced to a variety of stories in my lifetime - some beautiful, some exciting, and some absolutely heartbreaking. I have also seen narratives that cannot and never will be laid out for the public eye as long as this earth continues on its orbit around the sun. And I wonder how often we have gotten it wrong and criticized too quickly. How often have we judged someone by the expression on their face when behind the smile or frown is a whole conglomeration of extra thoughts, emotions, and scenarios that we may never know? 

If nothing else, perhaps we could learn to handle other people's lives and hearts with a little more grace. Instead of jumping to conclusions or adding a well-rehearsed piece of advice, we could listen and wait. Maybe we could sit still long enough to react with Holy Spirit love and forbearance instead of humanistic criticism and judgment. Just maybe we could.

I have also come to understand that stories can be confusing until they are finished. Too often we see people partway through a testimony or trial and assume all kinds of things when God is simply doing it in His timing and in His way. He is completely comfortable around people who don't have their life together and who make a lot of mistakes. Just read the Gospels and watch Jesus spend time with His disciples, find short Zaccheaus in a tree, and talk to the woman caught in adultery. Awhile ago, I travelled up to one of our orchard hills and jotted the lines below:

I sit atop the mountain, gazing over the slowly greening valley below. The naked grape vines angle up from the mud-laden earth like ragged skeletons from a grave. Fall dropped their leaves and stole their colour. Winter came and ravaged them completely. They have sat there hibernating, waiting, for five long months of frigid weather. The seed of life lies silently in surrender, waiting for the sun to shine its command and bring forth green luscious living once more. It looks hopeless and yet it is not. It looks messy and yet it is following order. 

Perhaps that is us. Sometimes God allows seasons of brokenness and withering to occur so that the season of life appears as glorious and true as it ought to. Perhaps we are not really lost or hopeless. Perhaps we are simply holding a seed of life for the proper time. May the sun come again. And until then, as we wait in our broken crooked forms, let us have grace - grace for ourselves and grace for others. For we serve the Master of Heaven who is also the Master of Grace.