Wrestling With Pain

Lately I have been wrestling with the unfairness, the frustration, and the confusion of pain. Yesterday I went back to visit a blogpost that I had read before. It had been penned by a woman who lost her life to cancer when she was just past thirty. She titled it, "God is on the Bathroom Floor," and then dove into a beautiful piece of writing that wrapped desperation, humanity, and the deep love of God all into one. You can read it here if you feel so inclined. 

As I talked with God about pain and listened for His returning answers, something gradually and completely hit my soul. After a few days of one-sided dialogue on my end, God used a small clip from the movie called "The Hiding Place" to speak to me. It comes to life in Germany during the harsh Nazi regime of World War II. A couple minutes in, a scene unfolds of Jews lining up and going forward to receive their yellow star one by one. These stars would mark them as targets and subject them to a life of abuse, rejection, and often death. Suddenly, I spoke out loud. "Many people have it worse than me!" I knew it before but needed to be reminded.

Then I took it a step further. I thought of my Gr.6 teacher who lost her life to cancer. She was one of the best teachers I ever had, so why her? Then I contrasted the lot of the starving children who are born in refugee camps with children who have cellphones, bunk beds, and chips at their finger tips and I thought, why them? And I realized that I don't know.

We can easily throw the phrase out that God has a plan for everything and that pain has a purpose, but truth be told, half the time we have no idea at the present what that means or looks like. I highly doubt that all those Jews sent to death like a herd of swine had a clear view of the purpose. Perhaps it strengthened their faith and caused them to trust deeply. But it is clear they couldn't see the entire picture. But did they need to?  

Can we get to a place in our faith where we are willing to suffer without seeing the reason? Willing to trust God even when we don't understand? Willing to keep praising Him because of who He is even when we feel like sitting and pouting? 

Perhaps like Job we can say, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." Perhaps life is bigger and more complex than we will ever understand or know. Yes, God has an ultimate purpose in mind. All is for His glory and His triumph. If it takes pain or ease to accomplish it, He will use it. And so in health, in sickness, in strength, in weakness, in rejection, and in praise, we rest in this - He is in control and He knows what He is doing. 

Besides, these words were written about God's Son himself:

I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: My heart is like wax; It is melted in the midst of my bowels. My strength is dried up like a potsherd; And my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; And thou hast brought me into the dust of death. For dogs have compassed me: The assembly of the wicked have inclosed me: They pierced my hands and my feet. I may tell all my bones: They look and stare upon me. They part my garments among them, And cast lots upon my vesture. But be not thou far from me, O LORD: O my strength, haste thee to help me. 

Psalm 22:11-19 (bible.com)

When we think of how our salvation was won through the trouble portrayed above and remember that only God makes beauty out of unfathomable ashes, perhaps it is not too much to raise our hands to the sky in surrender and praise. He alone is worthy - always and every time. 

Link: Praise You In This Storm by Praise and Harmony