Am I Good Enough to Serve Him?

This morning I jotted a few unedited lines into the notepad on my phone:

I used to think I had to leap
Across each hill and gulley.
But I have learned He'd rather carry
Me though dangerous valleys.

I used to think I should be strong
And carry all my burdens.
But Jesus showed me I am weak
And He would take the tough ones.

I've slowly learned, He isn't mad
When I'm lost in disaster.
Instead, He gently turns me round
To show me what is better.

I've even learned that if it hurts
He's teaching me a lesson.
The kind that brings me to a new
And stronger sense of heaven.

I do believe that I have found
That God up in His heaven
Is not a Master with a Whip
But a Father to His Children.

I don't know why, but somewhere in my childhood, I picked up the idea that I needed to be good in order to be loved and nice in order to be accepted. As I've grown older, God has been teaching more about who He actually is and what that means.

From my observations, I see a lot of us living with faulty beliefs about God and ourselves. Consequently, we live in unhealthy fear of Him or even indifference at times. It also leads us to make excuses as to why we cannot speak for God or do things in His kingdom. We say we are too young, inexperienced, not educated or smart enough, not gifted enough, or simply too tied down with responsibilities. We mourn because we feel we will never amount to anything and how could God really use us this way.

We effectively remove God with His grace and power from His post and focus on the depressing sight of ourselves. This sadly, limits His grace working in and through us.

However, did you ever think of the fact that all the disciples were too young, definitely inexperienced, not educated or very smart, normally used to catching fish, collecting money, farming, etc. and definitely dedicated to their current jobs? Yet, they all dropped EVERYTHING and followed Jesus. I believe they also dropped their inability and exchanged it for Jesus' ability.

You see, we may be uneducated. We may be young. We may be poor. We may be inexperienced. We may be tied down with obligations. But, if our God is so small and inexperienced and weak and foolish that He can't use people unless they are flawless and perfect, then we are not truly serving the God of the Bible. 

Our God is the One who commanded Moses to speak and used Aaron. He is the One who used young David the Shepherd boy because of his faith. He is also the One who called Joash to be king at age 7. He used a little maid to help Namaan the leper. He is the One who delivered Mary Magdalene from seven demons. And He is the One who started His church with twelve young men who hadn't an iota of an idea what He was doing. 

So if the question comes to Your mind, "How? What does He want me to do and how do I do it?" I would advise you to follow. 

Notice that the disciples learned by living with Him, watching Him, and asking Him questions. I imagine that the same process would yield the same results today. 

You see, when Jesus called them, He said, "I will make you fishers of men." Not, "Please become fishers of men and I'll hire you."

He specializes in taking the unreachable, unusable, unlikable, and unholy and transforming them into His likeness. 

So, in answer to the question... No, you are not good enough, but He'll take you anyway if you'll let Him. ❤️

The Rat

A little rat
Jumped from a vat
And ran across our floor.
We squeaked in fear.
The critter dear
Had run behind the door!


We grabbed a broom
And with a zoom
We hit the poor rat hard!
He leaped and shrieked
Right at our feet
Then dashed out to our yard.

Sighs of relief
Came from our cheeks
When that rat disappeared.
The very thought
Of that gray blot
Had brought us nigh to tears.

So now our kitchen
Floor is fitted
With good old traps as needed,
And that old rat
From our poor vat
Will wish that he had heeded.

                                     C.H.

Married... But Lonely...

 In response to my post, Living Solo in a Double World that I posted awhile ago, a friend remarked that there are many lonely people in marriages as well. Through the course of conversation (aka texting) we reached the conclusion that she could write a guest post and I would simply edit it. So here it is. 

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Shari is a busy mother of four boys who enjoys homeschooling, getting to know her community and especially other cultures. She has been married to the love of her life, Randy, for thirteen years and makes her home in Ontario. Passionate about Jesus Christ, she wants everyone to know Him, especially her loved ones. 

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I'm blessed to be in a marriage where we pray and go to bed together almost every night. We try to communicate like adults without whining or raising our voices. We listen and then gently share our feelings, opinions, and disagreements in order to better ourselves and each other. 

I remember a time early on in our marriage where I wanted my husband to help me do the dishes and clean up the kitchen but he was on his phone playing games. I'm embarrassed to say, I was banging around in the kitchen hoping he would catch the hint and give me a hand. But he didn't! Later, when we talked about it, he told me to please not "beat around the bush" but simply ask him if I wished for something. I've learned he doesn't catch hints very well but isn't trying to ignore me either. Clear communication is so important in a good marriage. 

When I do feel lonely in my marriage, I do well to ask these questions:

#1) Do I depend on my husband to take the place in my heart that only God can fill?

There is a cavity in every human heart that only God can fill and sometimes I try stocking it with other things (including my husband). Psalm 63:5 says, "You satisfy me more than the richest feast." I will be disappointed over and over again if I expect him to be perfect, always available, constantly tuned in, and meeting all my needs. It is SO important not to expect our spouse to be perfect. I fail and need forgiveness, so I will also allow him to fail and extend my forgiveness.

#2) What tone do I set in my home? Is home my husband's favourite place to be? Is it a safe and comfortable place of restoration for him? Am I a safe and enjoyable place for my husband? 

1 Corinthians 11:9 says, "And the man was not made for the woman but woman for the man." It is easy for me to expect my husband to serve me. This often leaves me feeling disappointed. Also, I believe it is important to be an encouraging partner. No husband enjoys coming home to a nagging, discontent, and frazzled wife. 

#3) Am I comparing my marriage to another marriage and jealous of someone else's? What is my standard of comparison for my marriage? God's Word or others?

2 Corinthians 10:12 says, "But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement." Isn't it funny how two wives can be jealous of each other? One might be envious of another's financial stability while another is jealous that the other's husband is home more often. Of course we know that it is best to focus on what we have versus what we don't although it is hard to put this into practise sometimes. Rejoice in the unique beauty of your marriage and allow God to use you and your husband in the way that He sees best. 

#4) How is technology affecting our marriage? 

It is so easy to let our minds relax after a busy day by putting our feet up and letting our phone screens occupy our time until we decide it's time to crash into our bed. Maybe I am frustrated and lonely because my spouse is spending the majority or even all of his leisure time on a device and not open to deep conversations. I may need to clearly ask my partner to please put his phone down because I have something important that needs to be discussed. Of course it is best to discuss and put healthy boundaries in place for technology as a couple. 

Marriage can sometimes have unexpected turns and the dynamics change where we need to choose love even though those natural feelings may not be there. You or your spouse may be hit with a spiritual or physical struggle that requires the other to step up and be strong for him/her. Maybe one or the other has broken marriage vows and need to get back on track.

It always blesses me to remember God's heartbeat for His children. A bit ago, I read through the book of Jeremiah and saw Israel being compared to an unfaithful wife in its first chapters. It is interesting to compare marriage with God's relationship to Israel. He chose Israel over and over again and stayed committed even when she strayed. Her forgave her time and time again. God does this for me too. Because He continually forgives me, I can extend this forgiveness to others. It is also beautiful to compare our present marriage to the marriage of Christ and the Church. This is definitely the most beautiful and fulfilling marriage in its purest form. 

For some closing thoughts, I like to read 1 Corinthians 7 every now and then to be reminded of the powerful influence we have on our spouse in marriage. 

1 Peter 3:1&2 speaks directly to us as wives. "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives." 

Am I willing to step out and the first to break the cycle of 50/50 and be willing to give more than I feel I am getting? Marriage is to be the ultimate picture of Christ's sacrifice for His Bride. 

Blessings to all!
Shari Horst

A Simple Thanksgiving

It's free. 

Sometimes we get caught up on all the theoretical questions about life and faith. 

We get caught up on arguing for or against all sorts of issues pertaining to the Christian walk. 

But the Gospel of Jesus Christ is simple. So simple that a young child can grasp it. Years of university studies and scientific scrutinizing will never bring a lost soul into the kingdom. 

It is only the one who feels the heavy weight of sin in his heart, sees the absolute hopelessness of attaining his own salvation, and throws himself into the waiting arms of his Saviour, who will truly understand and know it.

No well-worded theory will ever be able to plumb the depths of being born again. No thesis statement will ever capture the great miracle that occurs when a sinner is saved by absolute grace. 

It is free and it is simple. Thank God for His miracle.

Community: Cruel and Crucial

a href="https://www.vecteezy.com/free-photos/autumn">Autumn Stock photos by Vecteezy</a

I wonder sometimes why humans can be so audaciously cruel and why we have so little mercy for our fellow men. We dislike their personality and look down on them because they're simply weird, or we have a different idea of how things ought to be. Then, we throw mud on them.

Recently, I came across a short clip by Erwin McManus in which he stated, "I think the hardest thing to do in this world is to create authentic human community. I think it's the hardest thing to do and the most important thing to do. Because there's nothing we need more than each other and nothing we hate more than each other." He went on to explain that people speak to him about "church hurt" and being wounded by others in a congregation. In turn, he explains to them that it's not church hurt. It's human hurt. The only difference is that the people were in a church. 

I have observed much of this statement to be true. The smaller and tighter a community is, the more potential there is for relationship difficulty. We no longer know only names and faces, we know habits and preferences and faults. In our human tendencies, it seems conducive to throw a couple stones and sling some mud at the offenders.

This problem is not a new one. We see it in Jesus' day as well. As the woman caught in adultery huddled there shivering on the ground, there was a multitude of "righteous" people ready to hurl their rocks of condemnation. 

Yet, we see Jesus introducing a new way. A way that is anti-human. A way that requires humility and grace. A way that brings life and healing. 

The greatest antidote to hurt and the division that wreaks havoc on our communities is to read and follow the Greatest Master's example. If, as Erwin McManus stated, our need for community is so great, we would do well to build it and maintain it well. I believe it is time we set down our rocks and squish the mud under our feet as we embrace our fellow brothers and sisters with grace instead of criticism, love instead of anger, and mercy instead of condemnation. 

If the church is to be a safe haven of healing for hurting and lost souls, we must get rid of our prejudices, selfish vices, and haughty self-righteous attitudes. Jesus went to the broken, discouraged, and angry. He loved and loved some more. His disciples failed and made mistakes but always He forgave and pushed them forward with grace. 

Once we become more concerned with our brother's welfare than our right to be correct, we will begin to love and serve in a brand new way. And when we truly remember the grace our Lord showed us, we will begin washing others' feet with the grace given to us. 

"Therefore my brethren be ye steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work fo the Lord. Forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord. 1 Corinthians 15:58

Blessings!

*To clarify: I quoted Erwin McManus, but do not support all of his beliefs or personal stances. Some of his teachings align with truth, but not all. Let us be wise seekers in our opinion-laden age. 

Also, I am not writing this out of hurt. Simply out of observation. My church family treats me well. 🥰

To the People Who Don't Have it All Together

none of us have it all figured out really    we right without correct puncation and speling and hope peope get what we meen. 

we love the things we shouldnt and hide hour selfish things. Pretend we're happy wen we're reelly upset inside.  

    Ok really, I've been trying to figure out why so many of us limp through life tucking our injured limbs under our jackets. We travel through life pretending we're fine when in reality we're at the breaking point. 

    The awful trouble is that untended wounds don't heal well. Unspoken battles get larger and become overwhelming. The awful amount of trust it takes to trust someone else with your struggles, battle scars, deepest questions, etc. is intense to say the least. It is biblical to bear one another's burdens in order to fulfil the law of Christ (love.) However, I have yet to figure out how to carry a load that doesn't exist. By hiding our "burdens" we rob each other of the chance to carry them. 

    Many, or maybe most of us, walk around with the misguided concept that no one will understand me. There is no one else like me. They will definitely not like me if they know who I actually am. 

    I have talked to more than one person who feels like that and I have felt like that myself.  

    You know, this dilemma does not pick favorites. It targets pastor's wives, teachers, mothers, fathers, young adults, teenagers, everyone. Everyone struggles, everyone has been hurt and needs to forgive, and everyone needs an understanding friend. If you don't have one of those, go find one. Someone brave enough to listen, kind enough to be silent, gracious enough not to condemn, and loving enough to forgive. 

    I believe it's time we stop rowing our poor little dinghies on the rocky sea of life and get into the life boat together. Rowing with others really does make a difference. 

media.newyorker.com

      Blessings and love to all!

Beauty in Pain

A seed pops up from its damp dark bed to burst into a fanning flower. 

A child breaks a working arm only to learn the fruit of patience. 

A cancer patient wastes through chemo and learns the frailty of life. 

She seizes each free moment and savours the juice out of it. 

An orphan mourns his father then feels the arms of the Father above.

A snake writhes out of its tight skin into a brand new mantle.

An adolescent endures a creaking voice only to gain a stronger one.

A construction zone frustrates for months and then reveals solid pavement. 

We were born through pain, we live with pain, and often we die with pain. 

The Maker of Life loves beauty. He created leafy trees with delicate veins and petioles, pores to breathe carbon dioxide and the ability to emit life for us in the form of oxygen. He took flowers and arrayed them in a rainbow of colour. He created birds with delicate feathers, a variety of beaks, and a unique skeletal system. He makes humans, (Have you ever thought how much fun that must be?) with curved noses, an intricate respiratory system, strangely angled legs and arms, necks that come in a variety of sizes on the circumference scale, and eyes that cover a web of beautiful violets, chocolate browns, aqua blues, emerald greens, and slate grays. Truly, our Creator does have an artistic touch and taste. 

But He allows pain and we suffer and scream. Silently... and sometimes out loud. We cry because we want to be better and pout because we don't receive the best. Life becomes a spot of misery and heartache instead of the beautiful journey we wished it to be. We cry for answers and hear echoes in a silent sky.

And yet, our Maker does not delight in hurting us. In fact, it is not His fault that we're dealing with the consequences of sin and living wretched lives. But He loves to heal and save and make the wounded whole. He loves to take the broken and make it new. 

And sometimes that looks different than we think it should. Instead of taking the pain away, He brings the gift of patience and reliance on Him. Instead of removing the frustration, He turns our gaze upward to His enablement. He uses the trials destined to kill us to bring us life. The very things that hurt and ache bring beauty in their completion. And as we sing with tears running down our faces, lift up hands when our heads are hanging low, question God when nothing makes sense, and try in vain to figure out a purpose in a complicated situation, we come to a deeper essence of God than we ever have before.

The Weaver 

My life is but a weaving

Between my Lord and me.

I cannot choose the colours

He weaves so steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow

And I in foolish pride

Forget He sees the upper

And I the underside.

Not till the loom is silent

And the shuttles cease to fly

Will God roll back the canvas

And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful 

In the Weaver's skillful hands

As the threads of gold and silver

In the pattern He has planned.

                                  -B.M. Franklin

Weeping endures for a season but joy comes in the morning.

Take time to smell the roses. They grew among the thorns. 🩷