I have been doing some pondering lately... About many topics, people, cultures, etc. In the process, I have come up with more questions than answers and probably more sighing than delight.
One of the questions I have is, "How sheltered is too safe?"
Over my career of teaching, I have come across a large variety of parents from different cultures, different family settings, different churches, different countries, etc. Since I have taught in only the Christian School settings, I have encountered mostly Christian parents, who are trying hard to teach their children godly principles and values.
Many are succeeding well. I have learned that a large variety of techniques can be successful when raising children. Some children require only a soft word of correction, while others require a firm hand or some other style or rebuke.
I have heard parents stressing, wondering if their children would ever learn or turn around, I have seen them in their proud and happy moments when their child does something well or finally understands a lesson.
Parenthood, has to be one of the most beautiful, albeit complicated, parts of life. Although I have never been a parent, I have got glimpses here and there into the parental role and it's complexities.
One of the questions I have begun asking over the course of years is the one stated above. How safe, is too safe? As Christian people and probably especially as Mennonites, we like to see ourselves as separate from the world around us. This statement takes on a large variety of definitions, based on people's opinions, cultural upbringing, as well as church view which all conglomerate together to become their overall worldview.
I have worked with students who have a decently broad worldview. They may have grown up beside neighbour kids whose parents were divorced or they may even have gone to public school for a grade or two and seen a mirage of things that the Bible would deem as sin. They are well aware that life is far from perfect, people are broken and that evil is abounding around us. I have also taught students on the other side of the spectrum. Their parents meticulously guard what books they read, turn the TV screen off and the only social life they have is church friends and cousins.
Now before I begin to criticize one or another, let me say this. Both are heavily impacted by circumstance. Both, however, are circumstances, that the parents control to a pretty broad degree.
My goal in writing this is not to cast judgement, but rather to make some observations, albeit opinions, and let each one come to their own consensus.
I have taught some children who have no idea how to relate to someone who hasn't grown up in church because they've never met one. Then I have other students, who pick the neglected or newcomer out in the blink of an eye and go over to welcome them. What is the difference? Some of it is personality, but a big part of it is parental influence. The parents who bless their children with a love and concern for all people regardless of religion or church affiliation or habits, do them a big favour. Sin is still sin, but all people are on the same plane, aside from the grace of God. Children should be taught that the inside is what God values most highly, not the outside. Teaching them to value other ways of doing things will help them walk in humility. Their way may not be the only right one. Above all, showing them other ways of life and speaking about others in an accepting way.
I believe that a couple's parenting style ought to reflect what they want their children to become. If they are to be upbuilding Christians in the Church, then by all means, they must be immersed in church culture, taught to honour pastors and Sunday School teachers, and be surrounded with good friends. If, on the other hand, parents want them to be compassionate to people in the world around us they must add an additonal layer to this. They must be exposed to the world to some degree. Now I do not mean dragging them to the local bar and showing them what happens when people drink a little too much. No, I'm talking about taking them to the homeless shelter and serving a meal. Inviting the neighborhood family for lunch. Taking cookies to a family in need. Letting them see you care for others. If a parent's words are words of condemnation towards "outsiders" their children will begin to shun people who are different and learn that they are the only ones who are correct and righteous. If children are to have a heart for the unfortunate and be able to accept and love people in different cultures, they must be taught by the love and respect in a parental figure.
And now I will insert a wee little section for the teenagers. I love teenagers... A lot.
Here is one of my favorite ones. 🤗
They are going through what could be dubbed as one of the most complicated seasons of life. For them... and their parents..
As young children become teenagers, they begin to question things they have never questioned before. They dream of things they have never dreamt of before. They also realize that their parents and other authorities are not as perfect as they once thought they were. This creates a complicated conundrum. Many teens do not know what to do with this newfound information and begin to rebell or act out in misunderstandable ways. Others simply shut down and become unresponsive. Parents, on the other hand may feel threatened and put up walls of defense or try to "shut down" their teenager's wild ideas. I have heard the despair and confusion on both sides. As an observer, mentor, and sometimes simply a listening ear, I have tried to learn a few things and taken the Bible's advice into consideration. Here are a few notes for thought:
To the parents: Your teenager really wants you to listen to their ideas, hear their hopes, and hear their dreams. They really feel frustrated and "squished when you ignore them, just tell them to grow up, or insinuate that they're too young to have an opinion. They are having a hard time understanding themselves and don't need extra condemnation. You will not get it all right. (I have yet to meet a parent who has), but pray without ceasing, and love in abundance.
God used many a young and inexperienced soul in His ministry and He has a calling for your teenager. The disciples were only half-grown young men when Jesus called them to follow Him. (Have you ever thought about whether you would have let your 16 year old follow a random fascinating man around town?! 😏) Samuel was only a boy when God used him and actually rebuked the elderly Eli. There is much wisdom in listening to those older and wiser than those of us who are younger, but teenagers have dreams, teenagers have ideas, and teenagers have energy. It is the perfect time to let them use it.
To the teenagers: The Bible speaks much about children obeying parents, honoring authority, listening to the elders, etc. So, I believe with all due respect, we should honour whoever is in authority over us. Indeed, God has put them there. Remember, that your parents raised you and brought you to the point you now. Bless them and respect them for it. There will be some things that will make sense in a few years. At the same time, it is important to know why you do what you do and what truth actually is. Wrestle with those questions and seek God for answers. Challenge beliefs as needed but always do so in a spirit of humility and respect. Your role is to learn and adventure into all that God has made you to be. Not to change your parents into what you wish them to be! Pray for authorities. They need it and are not perfect. Someday, you may be in their role. 🙂 You are precious and God has a plan for you.
In conclusion, "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, for love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8 and "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2
Much love to all. ❤️ May God give us wisdom as we walk this journey of life together!
