There's a saying that states, "If you treat everyone like they're hurting, you're right 99% of the time." I've been doing a lot of thinking, and processing lately, and this post is for those who were never heard, those who were unloved, those who were hurt, and those who remained deeply scarred. The following scenarios contain a mixture of fiction and nonfiction. If any of them resonate with you, just remember God loves and cares deeply.
I was the one who shrivelled inside because I was never good enough. I wanted to please you Daddy, but somehow I could never reach the target. The chores weren't done right. I should've been able to play baseball like my brother, and I was never as good at things as you were when you were young.
I'm sorry, Daddy. Really, I am. I keep hoping that one day I'll be the son you always wanted.
I was the one who stood up tall and took care of my Mommy when she couldn't take care of me. Outside I was strong. Everyone told me so. When Mommy became a crying mess, I calmed her down and then held my siblings, so they would feel safe. I turned 16 and took her to psychiatrist appointments. I talked to the doctors and helped her with meds. Sometimes I was tired, but I kept doing my job.
Maybe someday I'll get to be a kid again, but not for now.
I was the middle child, the forgotten one. It seemed my older brother got everything. He got to ride a bike first, and I got the hand-me-downs. He got to help Daddy fix the shed roof, but I had to pick up nails from the ground. Sometimes I wondered if Mommy and Daddy really loved me. Daddy was happy when my oldest brother turned 11 and could drive the tractor. But when I turned 11, he said I was too young and so my oldest brother just kept doing it. Daddy said I'd probably hit a fence post anyway.
Maybe someday I'll do something great in life, but I doubt I really matter anyway.
I was the one who wasn't normal. I would have loved to run and jump like everyone else on the playground, but cerebral palsy kept me stuck in my chair. Mom and Dad said I was special, so I tried to smile at everybody, but some days I just wanted to be like the others so badly. Why couldn't I do high jump and play King's Base? The other day I said I wanted to get my license, but Mom just got a weird look on her face. Whatever that was all about.
I just wish I could be like everyone else.
I was the one who protected everyone. I don't know what you had against Mom, Dad, but somehow it made me spitting mad when you'd criticize and yell at her. Is there no way we can be good enough? I hate the fact that we have to look good in public and pretend everything is fine. Maybe one day I can forgive you, but at this rate, I'm afraid I'll turn out right like you.
But then, I never was much of anybody anyway.
I was the one who starved myself. When Mom and Dad went through a divorce, I lost it. I remember the screaming and yelling, and the nights I hid under the covers, pinching the fat on my body. I hated it. If I would just be good enough, surely all this ugliness would go away. I lifted weights and jogged for miles. I avoided sugars and limited fats, and then... I almost died. The nurses told me I had anorexia and made me eat a lot of that gross fattening food.
I still hate myself. If I'd just be a better daughter, they'd surely get back together.
I was the one who was adopted. I love my new mom and dad but it hurts that someone didn't want me. I wonder where my real mom is anyway. I must've been some horrible person for her just to pitch me like that. Who disowns their own kid anyway? People tease me at school too.
I wonder what's wrong with me? I should never have been born.
And somewhere you have a story. The one that eats at your insides and keeps begging for attention. Some children grow up with love and protection; others do not. Life is difficult, and people let us down. The list of stories above could have gone on for a long long time. I've heard enough people's heartbreak, and had enough of my own to know that there is a vast variety of stories that people carry.
This weekend I came across the shortest verse in the Bible, John 11:35 - Jesus wept. I looked at it and was flooded with the overwhelming compassion and love that Jesus has for all of us. He doesn't always provide easy and quick answers to our situations. (Many of our whys may never be answered on this side of eternity.) But I do know that He is the One that has come to sit with us in our pain. He is the One that binds up the broken-hearted and brings sight to blind eyes. He delivers captives and brings freedom to the oppressed. There is no situation too hard or too deep for His love. Sometimes it takes years to truly heal, but He will do it in His timing and His way. Trust Him. ❤️
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